All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
