I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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