The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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