Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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