After last night, I could never be a politician.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
