so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
