Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
