There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
