i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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