Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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