my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
