Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
