I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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