I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
