I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
