she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
