are you so shy because you have an std?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
