i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
