in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
