I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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