I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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