i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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