I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
