I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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