Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
