as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
