Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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