WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
