listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I deserve this hangover.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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