atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
