They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
