I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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