You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
