He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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