The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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