she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
