My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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