I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm passing your future prison.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
