I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
