You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
