1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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