I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
