Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sext me about skeletons
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