You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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