he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
