Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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