At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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