She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
