Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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