she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When are your genitals available?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
